The Writer's Confidence

At this moment in time I have three unfinished books.

One nearing a hundred thousand words, one on 27,000 and the other (the latest) sitting on 32,000. (I’m really driving with the latter.)

All in all, that’s nearly 60,000 words for this year alone, which isn’t bad I guess.

So, what exactly stunted the progress of the first two as I know I’m not done with either, and I will revisit them both.

Confidence.

Self-belief.

Listening to the very top athletes – and I mean those who are in the peak of their condition – I never cease to be amazed by the following fact they reiterate time and time and time again…

5% of their success is to do with their physicality and 95% is to do with their mind.

95% is to do with their mind. That's whopping. The best of the best say, it's majority mind.

So, I’ve written and published two books but I don’t feel like an author.  I don’t remotely feel like an author. I’ve never taught English in secondary school (apart from a term for year 7's). I don’t have a lucrative book deal in the pipeline. I don’t stick to a manicured and methodical writing schedule. I don't have people queuing for signatures or interviews.

Weirdly, I don’t exactly need an extrinsic form of recognition to keep writing, or an external candidate ‘validating’ that I have written a good book because, regardless, I always see the process of creating and crafting a story as a beautiful labour of love in of itself. So, what’s preventing me from pushing some projects over the edge? How do I build my writer’s confidence?

Countless times I have started writing a segment that took me in such a vibrant and glorious direction I was left thinking: ‘where the heck did that come from – that is stellar stuff!’ It’s happened frequently and recently too.

So, why is it that when I open the document I occasionally feel like the previous material wasn’t really from me; like I’m a charlatan; pretending to be something I’m not? Or, that I’m not worthy enough to find and deliver good scenes/moments even when they explode in my mind. How odd is that?

As a writer I need to take great heart from the top athletes who have fully grasped that putting one foot in front of the other (and just keep doing something like that over and over) is sometimes all it takes.

So, I didn’t write any words for the latest novel today because I did not possess the writer’s confidence to pursue a line or ten. Yet, paradoxically, I’ve written 400+ words for this blog post.

I’ll keep working on my ‘winning’ mentality along with you all. Wish me luck.