Night is darkest...just before the day

Truly bitten by the bug at the moment.

Ideas coming thick and fast.

You know a productive day lies ahead when every sinew and morsel in you is planning meals around your writing schedule. Fun activities pale into the back-burner in comparison. Writing consumes you.

I have this one scene; dear goodness...I'm about 4,000 words away from writing it. I can't wait. I will craft it. I will make it poetic. I will do it justice.

As I think I mentioned in a previous post; at my Gran's funeral (she lived to 100), a random person at her wake said, I read your book; I really like how you capture the light-hearted moments and then throw me into the dark without warning. 

I think I'll try that again. Can't wait.

The title for this book - btw - is: The Children at the End of the River.

In a dark place, when I had the virus back in March; and I'm talking the nadir of nadir's...this idea came.

I was taking a trip down memory lane, using google maps to scour places I'd visited as a kid. Forested places. Country roads that wind to nowhere. I was thinking about my Grandpa who passed away on Christmas Eve and, I guess - in my malaise - using happy memories as some kind of comfort blanket.

Then I scrolled down from above on to the river I used to play in as a child.

Instantly there.

I hope I look back on this profound moment of darkness in my own life and realise that I was actually being thrown into the light.

The Writer's Confidence

At this moment in time I have three unfinished books.

One nearing a hundred thousand words, one on 27,000 and the other (the latest) sitting on 32,000. (I’m really driving with the latter.)

All in all, that’s nearly 60,000 words for this year alone, which isn’t bad I guess.

So, what exactly stunted the progress of the first two as I know I’m not done with either, and I will revisit them both.

Confidence.

Self-belief.

Listening to the very top athletes – and I mean those who are in the peak of their condition – I never cease to be amazed by the following fact they reiterate time and time and time again…

5% of their success is to do with their physicality and 95% is to do with their mind.

95% is to do with their mind. That's whopping. The best of the best say, it's majority mind.

So, I’ve written and published two books but I don’t feel like an author.  I don’t remotely feel like an author. I’ve never taught English in secondary school (apart from a term for year 7's). I don’t have a lucrative book deal in the pipeline. I don’t stick to a manicured and methodical writing schedule. I don't have people queuing for signatures or interviews.

Weirdly, I don’t exactly need an extrinsic form of recognition to keep writing, or an external candidate ‘validating’ that I have written a good book because, regardless, I always see the process of creating and crafting a story as a beautiful labour of love in of itself. So, what’s preventing me from pushing some projects over the edge? How do I build my writer’s confidence?

Countless times I have started writing a segment that took me in such a vibrant and glorious direction I was left thinking: ‘where the heck did that come from – that is stellar stuff!’ It’s happened frequently and recently too.

So, why is it that when I open the document I occasionally feel like the previous material wasn’t really from me; like I’m a charlatan; pretending to be something I’m not? Or, that I’m not worthy enough to find and deliver good scenes/moments even when they explode in my mind. How odd is that?

As a writer I need to take great heart from the top athletes who have fully grasped that putting one foot in front of the other (and just keep doing something like that over and over) is sometimes all it takes.

So, I didn’t write any words for the latest novel today because I did not possess the writer’s confidence to pursue a line or ten. Yet, paradoxically, I’ve written 400+ words for this blog post.

I’ll keep working on my ‘winning’ mentality along with you all. Wish me luck.

 

 

For what it's worth...

I love being a teacher; I really do.

I get to positively impact the lives of children on a daily basis - challenging but surmountable 'even' in a British lock-down.

What a year so far: what a crazy, crazy year?

For some bizarre reason, I haven't touched Shelly Clover 2 (90,000 words and counting) in nearly two years. I'm neeeaarllllyy there with that. Is it confidence issue as I approach the finish line? Is it subliminal procrastination? Goodness only knows.

What I do know - despite Stephen Covey's assertions surrounding 'circles of influence and circles of concerns' in his book,  'The 7 Habits of highly effective people'  - is that life throws some substantial  roadblocks.

I can also unequivocally and categorically state that our privatised education system here in the UK is so consuming, so exponentially consuming...that my dreams are on the back-burner.

I will return to Mis-fit, Misplaced, Miss Shelly Clover part deux, I will, I will, I will...

Back in March, I'm convinced that I had the dreaded 'C'. KO'd for two weeks I was. The unearthly fatigue, conjunctivitus, change in taste and utterly bizarre 'cytokinin' response were horrific. Two weeks of hell and ALWAYS in the 80% (as it turns out), not like these poor souls who were tipped over the edge.

In the midst of a 'very' dark place I used google maps and found a place of sanctuary I visited as a youth. I think it was a longing for my homeland, perhaps even a virtual comfort blanket for my exceedingly troubled and anxious soul. Again, goodness knows.

But whatever: 'BANG!'

Like a lily in the dirt at the bottom of a pond, slowly rising to the surface, and blossoming...this moment of map searching triggered an idea that I cannot get out of my head. The long and short; there's a new idea, a new book.

I want to share it with you; put it in your hands, put it in your heads.

I can only hope, this time, that our neo-liberal education system - based upon callous quantitative data and actuarial analysis (and largely overseen by Sociopathic ladder-climbers) - does NOT prevent me from delivering this.

It could be good; really good.

Much love.

Left Brained/Right Brained

Left-brained/Right-brained.

So, it appears as if nothing’s happening; nothing’s going on.

But, I have been a busy little beaver…

2018 marked my first new year’s resolutio

n in a long time and I have been largely faithful to it. Namely, finish part two of the series. Of course, me being me, I’m invariably the typically stoic Yorkshireman and I have kept tight-lipped about this to everyone.

To this end, I have been quietly industrious for the last five months. As I write, I’m finishing editing chapter 13 and there’s 90,000 words so far.

Ultimately, I love writing. I adore the right-brained creativity of it all, but I also love the left-brained meticulouslyC methodical part to it all as well. Who wouldn’t? (….or, is that just me’)

Tentative release date - 24th October 2018.

The reason: It’s the week running up to Halloween (And, this is the time period when the book is set.)

I’m aiming to finish during the summer holidays - get the project proof-read - edit again - and then release it in the week running towards Halloween. This has been so cathartic.

Don’t forget: you can pick ,up Mis-fit, Misplaced, Miss Shelly Clover for free at SmashAZwords.

All the love,

Jim

Discovered

"Sir, are you famous?"
"Err, not that I'm aware."
"You write books though."
"How on this earth... did you..."
"I saw your picture."
(And then, another pupil pipes in about her friend searching for me online.)

To say I was taken aback is an understatement.
It was in a History lesson on Imperialism, and I'd moved across to help a group with a faffy War game and before I knew it I'm back-peddling; caught totally off-guard.

I asked them how they found out and no one seems to know. But, they know...

It's a strange paradox when you write Teen-Fiction for girls; work in a girls' school and yet spend years keeping your book a carefully managed secret from the very students who might just enjoy reading it.

Needless to say, I've spent thirty (paranoid) minutes googling various permutations of my name and hitting images.
Nothing.
I'm not there.
And the only way you get to me is by typing in my full author name (not the names a student might hear a colleague call you in the corridor.)

Just weird.

Girls, if somehow - in your industrious natures - you're reading this, then I do hope you're enjoying the book. Get the free Ebook.

JSC (aka Mr Clark to you)

Oh, what the hell, I'm gonna blog...

A bit pointless doing this really.

But, in the vain hope of keeping this a writing blog and not a teaching blog, I'll get the former out of the way.

I just tried writing...and there was nothing; no capacity to concentrate, no ability to effectively edit.

There, done.

What was it Stephen Covey said? Emphasize your circle of influence and shrink your circle of concern.

What was it Alloy and Abramson said about depressive realism: depressed people have a more accurate appraisal of reality.

So, I've just gone cold turkey for six weeks (summer holidays) from a very addictive drug (teaching). I experienced another turkey halfway through the holidays (my A-level results) and a plump goose (my AS results). And now, I'm whacking that needle back in my arm. Twelve hours in my veins today. Oh, it feels good - I can no longer see the 'me' I found in the summer holidays. 65 hours a week won't do it. I MUST get good results next summer. I must work more.

Lovin' life. Hope you are. ( I genuinely mean that.)
JSC

Happy

For those of you who have NetFlix, I very much recommend that you watch a very interesting documentary called Happy :) It's old stuff that I've heard plenty of times, but can't help but feel invigorated by it when presented in a different way :)

What makes you truly happy?

Here's what it looks like.
JSC